The Bitch-Switch

Photo by Kaboompics .com on Pexels.com

It’s easy to get crazy when you’re a woman. It’s easy to fly off the handle, be insecure and hormonal. It’s the easiest thing in the world to change your tone to a manner of demanding respect. We typically are fast to flip the bitch-switch. Many of these reactions are caused by actions that surround us daily. We deal with our loved ones, strangers and professionals who all think they need to voice their opinion. That we, as women need to hear and listen to their opinions. Whatever the reasoning is behind flipping the switch, we typically don’t think about the reaction before we act. How is it that we are being perceived and lets breakdown why we may be being perceived in a negative mannerism.

Let’s think about our daily routine. Some of us are mothers, who 9 times out of 10 get ignored by our growing little humans, our husbands or significant others when we speak. Mothers typically must repeat ourselves 75 times before anyone even acknowledges the fact that we are speaking. Then getting people to listen to everything we have to say is a complete rarity and only happens about once a year. We are used to getting cut-off mid-sentence, interrupted, flat out ignored or screamed at. It’s part of life as a mother.

Then there are some of us who are professionals, who must demand respect in the working world. Many times, overlooked for promotions, or overworked on presentations and office work even if your actual career doesn’t fall into those categories. You deal with the ever-so-lovely nod of approval, short answers, no eye-contact and complete dismissal from other office staff or professionals.

Many women fall between the cracks of the two examples that I have mentioned above. But, whatever your situation, there is always an underline of disrespect that you deal with on a daily basis. Now typically when running into these situations, we fly over to the ever-so-loved “bitch-switch” as a response to the actions happening around us or directed at us. I am very guilty of flipping the switch a few too many times and a little too quickly. As a matter of fact, it’s one of the things I am sort of known for in my social circle. I do not stand, nor tolerate blatant disrespect directed at myself, nor to my loved ones. And neither should you.

Now with that being sad, have you ever felt guilty about flipping the switch? Maybe you jumped to conclusions too fast before the complete situation had unfolded? Maybe the switch wasn’t needing to be flipped at all, but you thought with too much emotion? See, we women are creatures of emotion. We are literally designed to work with emotion, not against it. Our bodies are given chemical reactions that change on a daily basis simply because of our anatomy. A wonderful chemical in our bodies called Estrogen, sometimes a wonderful thing but a lot of times, it’s a fickle beast. Our bodies can be thrown into a chemical imbalance as easily and as quickly as I can drop a hat to the ground. We are creatures who are meant to feel and depict emotion, not only for ourselves but for those we care for.

A study from Yale dating back into the 1990s, determined several things between the male and female brain patterns. One of the things Yale concluded was the fact that most men utilize more of the left side of their brain, while women tend to have a “flip flop” of brain sided thoughts. Left-sided brain utilization typically indicates “logic-based” thinking, while right-sided brain utilization will indicate more of an “emotional-based” thinking structure. The study also concluded that women do not handle stress as well as men, just another reaction from our structural DNA.

Now that we know we are structured differently than our opposing sex, can we justify “hitting the switch” yet? No. Because, while we are literally programmed to be emotional creatures, we are still creatures of choice. We do have the capability of utilizing logical thinking. Some of us just have the hard time of deciphering when the time is to be logical versus being emotional. Some of us try to cover our tracks with attempting to justify our emotions with a logical reasoning as the silver lining. But, lets think about that. When you’re in a situation that tends to lead you to the wall to flip that switch, how quickly are you processing the logically side of the situation? Is your brain running a million miles an hour? Are you angry with the situation? If you are angry, then I am willing to bet that you are not thinking with 100% logical thoughts.

When we allow ourselves to become angry, or upset, our brains work differently than a man’s. That’s why when we have an argument with our husbands, boyfriends or fiancés, we see things completely different than they see them.  This is what leads us to arguing in the first place, two different sets of emotions and opinions colliding into one mixed pot of every emotion that both parties have.

Let’s take an example from one of the biggest reasons women and men fight, from a woman’s perspective.

Example: Your man looks at another woman in public, while passing her on the street. You believe that he is looking at her ass, but he insists on the fact that he was looking at the BMW M3 GTR that she just so happened to be next to.

Breakdown: So, let’s be honest here, if you aren’t into cars, you aren’t going to take interest in knowing anything about an M3 GTW. To you, its just another car, but maybe to him it’s a point of interest. So, how to decipher and logically decode this situation so you don’t have to flip the switch? He dropped a specific piece of information that leads to the truth of what he was doing. Contrary to popular belief, not every man knows every car type ever made. He told you the car make and model. Just with that piece of information, you should be able to logically dispel the itch of the switch. But, if you need more evidence, let’s go a step further. Obviously, you noticed the girl walking by, otherwise this would not be an issue in the first place. You noticed him looking at something, so your mind autotuned to curiosity, you looked at what you thought he was looking at, which in this case you thought he was looking at the woman. Ask him something about her appearance. Most men have a preference on hair color or like ass or thighs. Ask him a description question, what color her hair was or what color pants she had on if he likes legs or ass. If his automatic response reverts to the car, he’s telling you the truth. Body language is not a thing that many men have the ability of hiding under instantaneous circumstances.

So, with the conclusion of this example, maybe we should have tried to logically think this through before jumping to conclusions and the possibility of flipping the switch. If you know your man, or the other party involved in your social indiscretion, use your gift of attention to detail to attempt to decipher and decode the situation before allowing it to escalate into something that could be more stressful.

So now that we have this portion out of the way, in the next post I will discuss how to slowly tune yourself to stop wanting to flip the bitch switch at such an alarming rate of speed.

Advertisements